This weekend we went to a surprise party celebrating a wedding anniversary for Joe's second cousin. It was held in a catering hall on Long Island: I had some eggplant rollatini, tomato and cucumber salad, zesty three bean salad and two pieces of yellow wedding cake that had a cannoli filling and buttercream frosting. I couldn't eat the frosting on the second, but when we came home I had some cantaloupe.

A few hours later I got a shooting pain in my left arm and pressure in my chest. Heart disease runs in the family and ten minutes later I was sure I was having a heart attack. Joe started his career as a Paramedic and I could see in his face even he was worried. I have the constitution of a tank and have never had indigestion or heartburn, but I probably could've skipped the cantaloupe. My appetite hasn't been great and I'm queasy after I eat, and what this turned out to be was stress. Or more specifically, panic.

The last few days have been filled with moments where my head spins and catching my breath is tough. For the first time ever I'm sighing when I sit down, sighing when I finish a task, sighing when I decide to watch tv or crate a drawing. Opal used to drop to the floor when she laid down - there was no gentle descent to the carpet but a collapse and grunt and then she'd conk out seconds later. My sighs seem to have taken the place of her grunts and I told Joe that if he sees me barking out the window I want the boar treats, not the cheesy things.

I miss her. We miss her. A family member is missing and I'm realizing that she is not coming back.